The quote from the week 2 video has hit home this week: “When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning they distract themselves with pleasure.”
I’m participating in Slimpod while also teaching myself to have a better work-life balance. I’ve been a workaholic, and an emotional eater. When I’m feeling my happiest, I lose weight. Work makes me feel good. When work is stressful, I use food as a comfort. I get annoyed at my health, get really driven to focus on work and not think about food, work get better, I feel good. Then the pattern repeats.
There is no home life in this cycle, and I don’t like that. The biggest weight loss periods I’ve had in my life were a) depressed at 19 when I restricted my diet but was obsessively staring at food, and b) when I first met my husband and felt a level of happiness I had never known before. Obviously, the second situation was far better than the first! But I’ve been addicted to work for so long I need to relearn how to be just me. My husband is very supportive, and is keen for me to “be myself”, but I need to know who that is! I know “employee me” and “wife me”, who is “me me”? I guess I’ll find out!
I did have a great win today. We planned to take a walk into town this morning and I was really looking forward to it. While chatting over a cup of tea, we realised that we didn’t to pick up something from town that would need the car. But I was so determined, almost compelled, to walk that we ended up walking in the morning and doing the car run in the evening. It was definitely the subconscious instruction that Trevor talks about. I also did some hip stretches this morning by compulsion. I have heard some particularly fit friends say things like “I just really felt like going for a run”, or “I’ll just do some yoga”. In my head, exercise like this was always something that I would schedule in and do as a chore, I could never imagine feeling driven to do it, or desiring to do it. Is this what that feels like?
An anxiety that I have with any type of exercise is sweat. I get very sweaty while exercising, even while walking, and growing up this was something that would be highlighted as something shameful. It was acted as a spotlight on how fat and unhealthy you are. But the FB chat has reminded me that people who are fit and healthy (in body and mind) think of sweat with more satisfaction. Sweat is proof that you put in the effort. Getting sweaty is a show of personal effort. Rather than “it took so much effort for you body to move because it’s so fat”, it’s “you put in the mental and physical effort, and you are seeing the results”.
That’s a new thought to me, and I want to keep hold of it.
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